callback

Some strange ideas can come into one's head at times. As the summer ends, and the days shorten, it's inevitable that my mind opens up to schemes and ideals when I'm staring at a dark wall for hours on end whilst waiting for a delivery during the chippy run.

Or maybe I'm just softening up as I approach my 40th birthday?

My hardline stance on organised religion, for example, has mellowed. The idea of God isn't as alien to me as it once was, but unless you give yourself over completely to him/her/it, there really doesn't seem to be any point sitting on the outside umm-ing and hmm-ing over a concept you'll never complete accept. It either hits you in the head or it doesn't. And with me, it doesn't, but I respect people's choice to believe. It'd be nice to have that kind of faith in times of need, but support systems for the human psyche can come in many different shapes and sizes.

The human race itself isn't of this planet. It can't be. What other life-form living here is hell-bent on destroying it's environment? I'm fairly sure we, as a species, are a genetic experiment gone wrong? Or maybe we're programmed to act shit to each other and pollute this oasis of life in the most vile ways possible?

I still believe Rock will save the world though. Not everybody is a tyrant. The big fear is Rock could let me down. A few weeks ago, I closed the curtains, turned up the volume on my 5.1 system, and put on the latest U2 DVD of their "360" concerts. I thought that in an enclosed environment, immersed in the songs, I may get some sign that it's possible for my essence, or my soul, to leave my physical body. Yes, I know it sounds nuts, but I PRAYED for a callback - even for the briefest nanosecond......

Nothing. Not a jot. I didn't blame Rock, but it's amazing what a random thought about the shelf-life of milk in the fridge will do.

I do want it. I crave a spiritual moment with the Ether, the universe or whatever it is. I just think I'm too grounded in what I'm going to have for tea.

As I say, you get the funniest ideas staring at walls.