college

I was talking with Jayne (the nicest person ever, really, unbelievably sexy and blond!) about possibly doing a part-time college course in the Autumn. And it's a really practical idea full of possibilities. Unfortunately, left to my own devices, my thoughts return to the nightmare that was Chesterfield High School.

I mostly blame myself, slightly less some of the knobheads I was there with, but never could I attest fault to any of the teachers. They cared - a hell of a lot more than I ever did. They encouraged - only for me to throw it back in their faces at every opportunity, sometimes deliberately, other times not.

I can't remember a single happy time at "Chezzy" for the entire five years I was there. The only things I learnt was how shitty people could be to each other. The verbal bullying I endured was horrific, and I've never really completely got over it. Part of me is eternally grateful I very rarely lost my temper and lashed back, because if I'd have used that course of action on a regular basis, I'd have been in jail now. But, even now, there's another side to me that has no confidence to speak up, or answer back, and it all goes back to bloody school. Consequently, I've been regularly accused of being walked all over at times, having no bottle, or whatever.

So the "mission statement" from Chezzy's website at the top of the page has a certain amount of irony for me personally.

I just wish I had an idea of what to do, a better attention span, and a slightly better backbone than a jellyfish!

Doing a college course might help me to overcome a lot of preconceptions of state education that I have? I've tried before, twice, and walked out a few weeks into the courses. I can't remember what I was doing, but I thought whatever it was was beneath me, the all-knowing fart I am!