woolyback

Today, on my day off, I decided to leave the relatively safe confines of Liverpool and take a trip out to a couple of satellite towns who think they're more hard and Scouse than anywhere, namely Huyton and Kirkby.

It's a real eye opener is Huyton. I've spent about as little time there as I can humanly want to, in the past, mainly confined to doing deliveries for work. However, one cannot judge an area without actually taking a walking study tour before coming to any concrete conclusion about an area. So when I boarded the train at Lime Street Station to take me to Huyton, I was as free of the misconceptions that taint the town as is possible. Then I made a huge mistake.

I got off the train at Huyton.

First impressions were rather heartening. The town centre, whilst not occupied by Harrods or Fortum and Mason, is a veritable mish-mash of the good, the bad and ugly. Huge-piss-off Asda. Not a Cash Convertors in sight. And the market you entered at your own peril.

A short walk away was the bus station where I could pick up a bus for Kirkby. Here, the bright shelters were occupied by foul-mouthed chain-smoking middle-aged women and their feral off-spring dressed in the regulation uniform of black hoodie, black trackies, black trainers - the whole image neatly rounded off with an endless supply of phlegm that constantly yockered out of their mouths.

Oh, and they keep their hands down the front of their trackies. Probably to keep their non-existant bollocks warm?

So, in conclusion, your average Huyton person, wannabe-Scouser, potential gangsta could very much look like this.........

I was witness to an altercation between a bum-fluff bearded, spotty "yoof" and an elderly couple, as each of them attempted to board the Kirkby bus at the same time. Old man tells yoof to have a little more respect for his elders, whilst yoof tells old man to stop "disrespectin'" him.

In the current climate of post-Aquarian Age environmental armageddon we face, I feel the word "respect" should be deleted from the English Language until the human race, whether it survives into the next millenium, gets a grip on itself and its' surroundings.

Anyway, all the way to Kirkby, the yoof was offering people on the bus small bottles of Lucozade.

Probably laced with crack cocaine?

Kirkby has had a hard time in recent years. Actually, scrub that - it's had a hard time ever since it was built. Facing much the same problems as its' near-neighbour Baghdad, Kirkby retains much of its' mid-1960s charm ("Are yew startin'? Are yew askin'? Well, cum 'ead den, SHHHIIIITTTTEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!").

Kirkby has also faced a recent inferiority complex of epic proportions. As a possible destination for Everton Football Club's new ground, although Kirkby was never part of the Liverpool City Region in the first place, the Red Shite have heartily sang, "The city's all ours, f**k off to Kirkby, the city's all ours!"

Of the two woolyback outposts, I much prefer Kirkby. The shopping centre is dilapidated, but homely, and at least there's a direct bus back to Waterloo, Liverpool 22.

.....I'm glad I'm back in Liverpool, Liverpool town where I was born..........