knocked

On the day I was made redundant from my last proper job, the guy from the insolvency firm who were looking after the affairs of the company assured me that the Government-back redundancy payout would be roughly, and I quote, "a couple of grand...."

Well, tonight, after a lot of messing around I got an email from the Insolvency Service informing me that I will receive the princely sum of four quid short of £1,100.........

Talk about being knocked for six.

The thing is, both myself and Jayne had spent this "couple of grand"  in our heads for when it eventually came through. I wish we'd never even thought about it now.

I feel like I've been cheated, even though the figures are unassailable and correct. Maybe it's "just rewards" for the times I sat there at my desk and read old "Buses" magazines when I should've been doing something more productive? I dunno......

My long-term job prospects are a little up in the air because I'm currently employed three months on, then one month off, etc.. And even though I know I'll be back after that month's break, I'm wondering what to do during that time away? I have options on doing agency work again? Maybe get my taxi badge for a second time and try that for a couple of weeks? Or something completely different? I'd love to drive a van again!

I was complacent at my last job, but when the push came, I didn't piss about and spent 12 miserly days on the dole before getting back into work. I don't plan on being one of Cameron's Millions again, and like I always say time will tell.

Twenty

Twenty years ago today, Dad died.

I've mentioned this each and every year I've been online, and have related most of the best stories already. I've been thinking a lot about the half-memories and all those events that have been shrouded by the mists of time. 

I can remember going to him and crying in his arms once, but I can't remember the reasons why? All that's absolutely certain is I felt safe and secure. And I was about 16 at the time. He showed me unconditional love, whatever the circumstances. He always, and I mean always, tried to see things from my point of view. I never saw him look shocked or flustered by anything I asked or said to him. I think he was genuinely concerned I wasn't going to go through certain things in life he had.

He used to get in from work, have his tea, go and strip down to his underpants, then sit in his favourite chair all night like that! And we used to have all our mates coming in and out of the house while he sat there! They'd pop their heads around the door, "Alright, Jim!", "Alright, son!" Bonkers......

I can honestly say I never, ever had a row about anything with him. We could exchange views, and it was always done in a calm, controlled manner. I thought this was good because I quickly came to the conclusion that a lot of what goes on life is generally not worth getting hung up about. As a consequence, arguing my point has never been a strong point. But I digress.

I feel incredibly fortunate to have had an amazing father who was funny, smart, grounded and caring. Fortunate because some folk don't have that sort of relationship with their dads either. I did, and whatever else is wrong with me, I'm blessed to have been as much a part of his life, as he was in mine.

xxx 

unfair

It's an odd thought, but I left school and started full-time work 28 years ago. It doesn't feel that long ago, in my mind anyway. Maybe spending, roughly, 18 years working with the same people at different companies, and the way each of those years blurred into one has coloured my memories?

I've only passed two job interviews in my life as well. The first was when I went to work for GB Fasteners back at the end of January 1996. I went for a part-time delivery driver job. I had no experience and only really knew Liverpool and surrounding areas by the bus routes, but I spent a pleasant half-hour chatting with Vince (the then-manager) about each other's recent holidays - and I got the job for some reason!!! The second time was when I wanted to be with Lin over in Dublin, and I went for an interview for a stores person at Tuck and Co. who were, back then, the main Makita power tool dealer in Ireland. That involved a lot more of my experience gained in the previous five years, and I was dreadfully under-prepared because I didn't expect it. But somehow I must have impressed them because they offered me a 12-month contract and I loved every minute of it.

The point I'm trying to come to is that, on the other side of the coin, the rest of my jobs have come through knowing someone in the know / a favour returned / etc, etc... And I wonder to myself, in those circumstances, have I been the best candidate for the position offered??? 

I think, to a degree, I have been. There's been nothing I've done that's completely overawed me or had me scratching my head in clueless bewilderment. I've had a great deal of trust and responsibility put onto me at certain times and I haven't abused that position. So regardless of the fact that my career choices may seem quite bland and unadventurous that's been okay for me. The security of a job, madly enough, has overrode its' financial rewards.

But I've seen people, in certain jobs, who have no right to them because they are mentally and emotionally unsuited for these positions. They have their jobs through the same system of knowing a person who knows so-and-so as what I did, but there the similarity ends. It takes a special kind of bullshit to convince the employer that this sort of person is essential to the smooth running of the organisation. And through selfishness and cunning, they achieve the aims of their scam, then convince themselves that they are worthy of promotion and more money. Some folk spend their entire working lives living out this reality.

I know of a firm that has various departments, and one department in particular builds itself up to be the best thing since sliced bread. But it squanders huge swathes of its budget on employing administration staff, the purpose of some of these positions is quite unknown, whilst using a small and hugely-overworked temporary workforce to cover the bolts-and-nuts day-to-day grind - these are the staff who interact with the customer more than anybody, and yet never, ever get any of the plaudits.

It's amazingly unfair, and I wonder where it all went wrong? Can you imagine a world where everyone had a job suited to their particular talents - where there was a love for doing what one did. They wouldn't care about their wages, because productivity and quality would be through the roof and everyone would have the best of everything.

Instead, we work in a system that rewards greed, shit-stirring and bloody-mindedness. If you're pissed off with your job, then I'd say I'm probably right.

greatest

Steven Gerrard's announcement that he will leave Liverpool at the end of this present season is no real surprise.

From the moment he lost the ball for their first goal in the game against Chelsea last season, he's had the look and attitude of a defeated man. But even that is usually off the scale in most other players' abilities by a country mile. He's shown glimpses of his brilliance, notably the free kick against Basel, so far, but mostly he looks destroyed.

Neither was it his greatest idea to captain a below-average England team during the 2014 World Cup. He looked totally out of his depth and...knackered to be honest. But this is just minor moans.

He's been mostly acclaimed to be the greatest Liverpool player ever, and if he isn't he's only a gnat's whisker behind Kenny Dalglish. This is understandable, but a complete knee-jerk reaction to a wider picture that neglects so many great players.

I saw Jan Molby's ball skills that defied physics. I saw John Barnes rampage through defences at pace with the ball stuck to his feet. I saw Ian Rush find the net 346 times without even thinking about it. I saw Graeme Souness, Steve Nicol, Fernando Torres, Emlyn Hughes, Patrik Berger, Sami Hyppia, Bruce Grobbelaar, etc, etc, the list goes on........

Would Gerrard have prospered in those 70s / 80s Liverpool sides that rampaged across Europe winning everything in sight? Of course he would, and he'd have been an integral part of the set up - if not the kingpin.

What sets Steven apart from those great players and impossibly brilliant sides is he's spent his entire career at Liverpool surrounded by, with notable exceptions, shite.  Through force of character, determination and single-mindedness, he led these quite average Reds teams to some of the greatest victories in our history. Jan Kromkamp - FA Cup winner anyone?????

What will determine Steven Gerrard's place as one of our greatest players will be time and perspective. In ten years time, if public opinion still favours Gerrard in the same tones as now, that will be a proper measure of the man and the player.

optimist

New year is something I'd like to avoid. There's a lot of disingenuous back-slapping, hand-shaking, kissing and hugging - amongst other things - that should best be left alone unless one really, truly means it. And a lot of people don't.

I'm not being pious. Believe me, there are half-a-million things wrong about myself that I'll freely  admit to. 

I have always thought, though, that generally people should be left to do what they want to do, and not be forced into situations that make them uncomfortable at best, or immoral and illegal at worst. 

I've found, over the last five years, that a lot of those sort of situations that will make me want to hide in a dark place aren't really that bad if I give them the chance. And if it still does me in, I say to myself that I'm only here x-amount of time and I'll then be back in my own little universe wondering what the fuss was all about.

I haven't made any New Year's Resolutions because every one of them I've broken. One lasted twenty years, so I have some fortitude about me. I just wish to be happy. And be in a job I like, that pays decent money so me and Jayne don't have to worry too much about the future. Every year I say that the back garden is going to look fantastic and we're going to grow loads of veg and colourful flowers, and we do after a fashion.

Jayne looks forward to the winter, oddly, and I look forward to the spring.

I think I'm generally an optimist. The glass is always half full. There's nothing you can do that can't be done. All of that sort of stuff. Whether I keep up to these lofty ideals throughout 2015 remains to be seen!!!