challenging

The past few weeks have been challenging to say the least. We had a really fun barbecue in the back garden with a bouncy castle et al, redecorated our bedroom which now looks pretty cool, had a great night out at a Holiday Inn with a swimming pool / spa in Chester. But the good stuff, invariably, was countered by the bad.

Jayne's Uncle Mike lost his battle against cancer on Monday morning. He was being cared for a local hospice. You couldn't make it up but in the next room was Jayne's mate from work, Liz, whose husband, Lee, six hours earlier succumbed to cancer too.

It was just the most bizarre night. Their passings highlight both the strength and frailty of humanity. Lee and Mike were dignified and resilient right to the end, when then the only absolute in life cruelly takes them away.

I've always said that you can't really do much for the dead. You have to concentrate on the here and now.

It's inevitable that one questions their own mortality at times like this. I am at an age where I've passed the half-way stage for life expectancy on these hallowed shores. And whilst it's possible I may be here in another sixty years time, it's certainly not a given. Nor do I really envisage myself at 103!!!

My Dad was diagnosed with cancer when he was 46, and departed this reality when he was 47. I'm 44 in two months' time, and things like that play on your mind.

Have I done enough to justify my existence here? No, not very much. Not that I'm a wimp, I just always preferred the quieter life. I've screamed from the rooftops once or twice since birth, but generally other people have far more success at it than me.

What has toughened up is the bond between myself and Jayne. We have our moments - neither of us take much credit in them - and we probably always will. Her strength of character during these times is an inspiration to us all. I didn't really understand the closeness of her family until these dark days, and I wonder if anything happened between me, Mum and Mick would we be as united? Then I realise we were when Dad died, and all the pisstaking, wind-ups and terrible jokes are just illusion. 

We get on!